Gladiators

Returning to the 7 network (yawn). The bios of the new gladiators was given in the latest episode of 'TV week' - I've decided to include a little more info for each one ...

BIONICA
Named after an obscure B-grade sci-fi flick, Bionica's motto is 'harder, faster, Stronger' as this phrase is often heard eminating from her bedroom at night. Bionica excels at the game of Powerball, but has yet to win any money.

THUNDER
Thunder was named by the elders (ie the show's producers). the name 'Thunder' may be steeped in fable and mythology, but clues where given early in his life when he was given the name 'You little fart'

TANK
Tank has arms like cannons and is prone to sporadic verbal outbursts of 'Sir Yes Sir'. Tank apparently personifies the fact that body and brain mass are usually in inverse proportion.

NOMAD
Named after the non-descript toyota people-mover, Nomad claims to be 'The king of the rings'. If by 'Ring' he means 'Anal sphincter', then who am I to argue ?

SCAR
Scar is known for the scars across his chest, and is often seen to slap his hand across it while shouting 'Scar'. Why he does this remains a mystery, but it has been speculated he does this to indicate the scar is causing him some discomfort. Shockingly it appears the scars are self-inflicted.

OLYMPIA
Olympia in a previous life was an olympic pole-vaulter, and has been included in the gladiator ranks in the hope of pole-vaulting the show into higher ratings.

ANGEL
Arguably the most attractive of the gladiators, Angel is best known for the feathers in hair. Where the feathers originate remain a mystery, but the fact that several nearby chicken coups show evidence of disturbance at night offers a possible clue.

OUTLAW
Outlaw professes to be somewhat of a maverick. He also claims his long hair is made from the hair of wolves he has hunted down and fought. His designer stubble then must be made from the hair of rabbits and small rodents he hunted down when he was feeling slightly peckish.

VIPER
Misnamed 'Viper', Viper is in fact an eastern european with a lisp who previously stood at traffic lights and wiped car windows for money with her electric blue hair-mop. When spotted by a talent scout she proclaimed 'I am ze viper'. when asked if she would like to be a gladiator, Viper replied 'Vot iz Zat?'

NITRO
Some debate centers on the origin of Nitro's name. Some say she is named for 'Nitroglycerine', a highly volatile and unstable chemical. Others suggest Nitro was named for 'Nitrous Oxide', a colourless gas that dulls the senses and induces sporadic fits of hysterical laughter.

KOUTA
Kouta is an ex AFL football player who excels at the game of aerial ping-pong. Unfortunately aerial ping-pong is not one of the games played in the gladiator arena, and coupled with the fact Kouta praises fair play and sportsmanship, the reason for his unlikely inclusion in the gladiator ranks remains a mystery.

AMAZON
Much as it could be said that the Amazon jungle is 'the land that time forgot' Amazon could be described as possesing'The hair that time forgot', firmly rooted as it is in the punk fashion of the early 1980's. Judging by the obvious amount of hair spray Amazons hair may in fact be an as yet unrevealed secret weapon.

HUNTER
One of Hunters signature moves is said to be the 'spider-man', a tactical move that comprises a complex sideways shuffling motion, followed by retreating under the nearest refridgerator at the slightest sign of any provocation.

DESTINY
Some suggest Destiny is distantly related to Ellie-Mae Clampett, but the voracity of this claim remains disputed. Destiny claims to believe 'all things happen for a reason' and while the true destiny of Destiny remains to be revealed, it will no doubt come about as the result of a good reason.