Forgiveness

Sorry if I come across a bit preachy here, but I do believe it's a valid and worthwhile thing to consider ...


Lets say you're in a loving relationship and the sun is shining and the birds are singing and everything is indeed hunky dory. Then something happens, your lover transgresses in some way, some unforgiveable way. what they did was so bad, it is unforgiveable. What happens then ? The love you had for them quickly diminishes, and can easily turn to hate. The more you think about it, the more angry and hurt you become. It can literally eat you up inside.

It is generally agreed the forgiveness in this situation is the best thing you can do. but you might ask yourself why? why should I ? They are in the wrong, why do I have to be noble about it ?

Now before I answer that question, I'm not saying you should forgive and forget. If the transgression was so bad for you that it has ruined the relationship, then so be it. I am not in any way saying you should pretend like that thing never happened. That is NOT forgiveness. That is denial. A denial of a very real and valid interpretation. It may be the transgression was only slight. Not enough to destroy the relationship, but certainly damage it, and it remains there, in the back of your mind.

So why forgive ? because the pain and hurt and hatred can LITERALLY eat you up. you can LITERALLY damage your own health. Harbouring a festering load of negative emotion can make you physically sick. and you certainly won't be as happy as you could be in your life by carrying all that baggage around. Remember, forgiveness is not forgive and forget. You can forgive someone for stealing money from you, but that doesn't mean you not going to be careful with your money around them. I you're current partner betrays your trust, that doesn't mean you can't end the relationship !

Forgiveness is not some grand act of self sacrifice in the name of some noble cause, that is not forgiveness, that is indulgence. The act of forgiveness simply allows you to free yourself of all the negativity people tend to collect. Forgiveness has direct and very real benefits for yourself. When you can truly forgive people their transgressions you will be happier, healthier, life and love will flow joyously, don't we all want that ?

Now if the transgression was only slight, enough to upset you but not enough to end the relationship, make clear to them how it affected you, without being judgemental, and ask them to commit to you that they will not do that thing again, and then forgive them. If they agree but still do it again, well I guess you might realize it's time to move on, and forgive them for breaking their commitment. It's just the person they are. And we are all different.

And this not only applies to failed romantic relationships, but to ALL relationships, including the relationship you have with yourself. If you've done something wrong, make the commitment never to do that thing again, and give yourself the freedom that forgiveness can provide.

Practice forgiveness - It's like a muscle, it gets easier the more you exercise it, and it can be as easy as saying "You're an asshole, but I forgive you" any negativity you have will dissapate. They can still be assholes, the world is full of them, but to paraphrase a very wise person " forgive the assholes, for they not what they do ... "

Or to put it another way, holding a grudge is like poisoning yourself and hoping the other person gets sick.

..and here endeth the lesson...