Emo kid

Ranting and raving about apparent injustice in the world is no great stretch for me, what is a stretch is sharing honest stuff about myself, so here goes.

I hated school, I left as soon as I had the school certificate (leaving certificate). I loved science, was average at maths (I told myself I couldn't do it, I found out later that I could), Commerce was like just so much BS, an elective I did was music - I enjoyed that. the reason I left was not because of academic ability but because being a quiet sensitive boy I was the target of every psychological abuse my classmates could think of, I don't believe in violence but could defend myself physically, so physical bullying wasn't a problem ... being an emo kid being ostracized was a continual nightmare - The teachers said 'Just ignore them and they'll get bored' - tried that and it didn't work! I wasn't able to hide the hurt I felt ... wanting so much to be popular but not being so .. Anyway although I was scarred I'm largely over it - although to this day I'm very reserved and cautious about making new friends - you know it's a behaviour pattern that gets learned and it's hard to unlearn it.

So anyway I left school and fell into a job in a place that made yoghurt, rose up through the ranks and did a food technology degree, ended up being head of quality control at Kellogs before resigning to do electronics. So I did that and worked for a few different companies before going out on my own as a sub-contractor which I've been doing for about 10 years now...

I can't help but think though that although I'm much older and wiser than that school boy I still have within that emo kid who cries at the fact that no-one seems to like him or talk to him .. even though I have a few very good friends ..

I'm not really trying to make a point here I'm just sharing stuff about myself, no real reason other than .. maybe someone might get something from it, and for myself, I've said many times this is an experiment in my self expression .. putting stuff out here even though in all probability no-one is listening.

QM vs Sport

Current score, Sport = 2, QM = 0. Sorry to say that like the situation that if God ever appeared on a quiz show it would be God the winner and all other contestants with a score of zero. What I'm saying is that sport will always bump off QM on TV where they conflict. Although many of us will suffer Nikki/Amy withdrawels, look at it in the sense that we can get some more sleep when it does happen, and the hosts and crew get a bit of a break as well. I would imagine they're mostly on contracts so it shouldn't result in less pay, I hope so anyway. But ah I do so much enjoy seeing Nikki and Amy doing their thing, and I rue the day when they move on, but I don't think about that too much cause while it's in the here and now I shall watch and enjoy - to paraphrase Shakespeare it is is better to have watched and enjoyed than never to have watched at all.
I'll stop now, I'm tired and waffling and probably not making much sense.

What else is new?

I dunno about Nuclear energy, what about solar ? If every home in Australia had a solar cell setup on the roof each house could be totally self-sufficient ... As it is now for $20,000 or so you can equip your house with enough solar cells that you can pump energy back into the grid, ie the meter runs backwards, and the energy authorities pay you for the energy you provide !!

How ridiculous is it that in an arid country like Australia we waste our precious water supplies growing cotton and rice - Cotton uses the majority of pesticides in agriculture and requires huge amounts of water - there is a better alternative, non-THC hemp requires no chemicals, very little water, has no psycho-active content (no THC, tetrahydrocannibinol) and produces a better fabric than cotton, and can be used to make paper and ethanol, CHEAPLY, why the pollies can seperate this from the drug issue I do not understand.

I read in the paper John Howards latest response to the greenhouse gas emissions debate, ask South-East-Asia to stop chopping down rainforests! What a pathetic response haha. What about all the ILLEGAL landclearing in Australia ? What about all the old-growth forest in Tasmania ? Typical petty-minded beaurocratic response from seomeone who can't see beyond the balance sheet - throw money at the problem and hope it goes away. Oh dear. I don't think he gets it.

Big Brother

No, not the TV show. Big Brother comes from George Orwells book '1984', about one mans struggle and eventual surrender to a repressive regime.

Political dissent is being squashed in this country. Several Sydney University students were arrested recently - their crime ? They were planning a protest at the upcoming G8 meeting to be held in Sydney later this year. Planning to protest is now apparently a crime - how disgusting.

The federal government has long accused the ABC of bias. What rot. Their 'crime' was to broadcast unfavourable reports about the incumbent government. Having largely achieved their goal of suppressing unfavourable reporting the ABC, the Federal government is now going after SBS, accusing it too of 'Left Wing Bias'

Any criticism of current policies are largely branded as 'Un-Australian'.

It should be remembered that during this time of right wing domination of politics that the Nazi Fascists were also right wing - and it seems many of the tactics used by the Nazis are being resurrected not only here but in the US as well. It should also be remembered that John Howards father was a member of the 'New Order' right wing group who threatened Jack Lang, the NSW premier during the depression, with kidnap and god knows what else.

The great hero of the Liberal party, Robert Menzies, declared that 'Every Australian should rather starve to death than for australia to renig on debts owed to Mother England' Yeah right Bob, you'd be on the first boat home wouldn't you ? Jack Lang rightly said 'Fuck you brother' and emptied the NSW government bank accounts before the federal authorities arrived to confiscate the cash to send to england.

The right is concerned with selfishness, sink or swim, no handouts, etc, etc, etc. The left is concerned with the group, sharing, support, etc,etc,etc. Who you gonna vote for ?

Peniz Pills

Goddam Spam Peniz Pills BS is popping up all over the place ! Does anybody actually believe those things work ? What a load of crap. The only way it can be done is by a special suction tube thing - Any part of the body that is stretched for a long period of time will eventually adapt.
I read in the paper, a judge in the states was using one of those suction things while presiding over his court cases, totally inappropriate - the reporter claimed the pump was very audible. He was eventually dismissed as a judge -The reason given for his dismissal was 'Public Indecency - Masturbating in Court'. Well, no he wasn't, but I guess 'using a penis enlargement pump in Court' is not technically an offence!

Kenny

Wanna see a funny movie ? Go and see 'Kenny' it's not exactly hysterical, but the one-liners the guy comes out with are just brilliant - 2 quotes I can think of - 'There's a smell in here that will outlast religion' and 'Busier than a one armed bricklayer in Baghdad'. His old man calling him a 'Glorified turd burgler' is pretty funny 'Nah Dad, I'm a plumber!' It's just full of classic 'Austrlianisms'
And it's also got a little bit of heart, so that's good too.

Anchorman

Yeah I watched 'Anchorman' today - What surprised me is that Christina Applegate can actually act! well I'm no critic. The funniest bit I thought was at the end when the mentally retarded weatherman, with his IQ of 48, is said to have ended up being a senior political advisor for the Bush administration - sounds about right!!
But really, were men that really mysoginistic in the 70's? Maybe they were. if so, then women have certainly come a long way - A good thing too In my opinion I might add.

Goldfish Bowl

I might like to ask .. What's it like living in a goldfish bowl ? I don't think I would like it very much, I've always been fairly private, but then who doesn't want popularity ? but when popularity turns to scrutiny ... and for me, just for me, I don't want to intrude that much, and I get that .. well the understanding I've reached .. let's just say I'm putting away the binoculars and the microscope .. I see what I see and so I don't want to add to it. Also I'm not surprised some questions remain un-answered, when I first saw them I thought 'Whoa'. Yes they are very personal, I would only recommend a 'no comment' where appropriate.

I only want to say that personally I'm glad that there is a direct channel of communication available, but human nature is I guess that .. well what's that saying, give 'em an inch and they'll take a mile ? Please understand I'm not criticizing the fans, no-one wants to be submerged in a sea of anonymity, but scrambling and demanding attention, geez, I dunno. I guess I'm trying to say give the girl a break, give her some room, and appreciate what you get, 'cos she gives a whole lot, that's for damn sure. It's becoming like the old cliche' where the star gets caught up in the throng and emerges with tattered clothes .. everyone wants a piece.

If I can figure out a way of saying this without offending people, but actually getting them to think about it, then I'll post it publically. until then these thoughts will remain here.

But then, that's just me. maybe I'm totally wrong.

Photoshop contest

That photoshop contest was fun! (although I used 'Paint Shop Pro', a lot cheaper than Adobe's 'Photoshop') The entries were all very good. But what was good about it for me was that Nikki got a kick out of it, it's just great to be able to be a part of repaying her in a small way for all the times Nikki's cracked me up!

Nikki for a logie

Logie nominations are to be revealed April 2. Is it possible to hold your breath for that long ?? I've got everything crossed that it's possible to cross, figuratively speaking, I don't think I could function being cross-eyed all the time.

Have we done enough ? 11 times I voted. Drew hasn't released how many responses he got about how many people voted. From what I can tell there's somewhere around 300 - 400 reported on myspace. Add on those who aren't on myspace - well it maybe enough to get a nomination at least.

Oh man, QM is really entertaining, they deserve the nom, and in my mind the award as well, the hosts and crew obviously have fun, and that comes across for the viewers. People watch it and most of them become hooked.

But you know when Nikki comes on the whole thing is just elevated to another level, Nikki really is the star of QM, and yeah QM deserves a gong, but Nikki really, really is the 'Best New Talent' on TV. There's something seriously wrong with the whole process if she doesn't get the guernsey.

Oh, and the other thing, sorry if it was too much.

Britney's hair

1,000,000 dollars for Britneys hair on ebay ?
What would you do with it ?
Make a merkin out of it.

Skin Ads

Those late night skin ads are just ridiculous. Do some guys really go for that ? I guess they must, they wouldn't be there if they weren't making returns, but really ...

'Call me and I'll jiggle my breasts for you, if you're really lucky I might do a handstand leg split for you' Aw gee, I feel privelidged. 'We squirt each other with hoses, teehee' They must have special dispensation from the water authority for that. 'If you call now, you could be in my bed tonight like this dufus here ...' yeah he's got gun, but notice he doesn't actually say anything, just lays there with a leacherous grin. If I was a female I think I'd start running.

Now I have as much appreciation for the female form as any other red-blooded male, but geez, those ads would be an insult if they weren't just laughable.

I was once saw a comedy sketch mocking skin ads, had a really thin weedy looking guy wearing grandpa's too big cotton underpants, posing with a silly grin, slowly nodding his head, haha it looked so ridiculous it was just hysterical, and I wonder if that's how they're perceived by a lot of women, as just being ridiculous. Well this male for one agrees with them.

Where it stops

Doing those things for the photo contest reminds of a quote from a famous artist -

A painting is never finished, it simply stops in an interesting place.

The Secret

The universe provides, we create with our thoughts - I reckon all that stuff is pretty right. Here's an interesting thing I was told once, I reckon it's pretty right too ...

Before the universe existed, outside of space and time, we existed as thinking sentience. However, in the timeless void, we became bored. And with a single thought, we created the material universe. Creating vessels to contain our essence, we entered into the world, simply for play. And to make the game seem important, so that we wouldn't be bored here as well, we deliberately chose to forget what we really are. But to make the game more interesting, we maintained the power of creation through thought. And even though we made the choice to forget, our souls do remember who we are, even if our thinking identities do not.

Or to put it another way, God made the cake, but could not taste the cake. We are agents of God, come here to taste and experience all the various flavours of the cake.

Interesting stuff eh ?

Pan's Labyrinth

That movie was supposed to be good, was it ? Can't see it myself. I just thought it was sad, as in teary sad. little girl lost, living in a fantasy world, dies in the end. Right, just the thing to pep me up.

Was given a very nice present, the best kind, something someone made for me. I was blown away. Another person emailed me happy birthday. I appreciate the thoughts.

Birthday Boy

My birthday tomorrow, Shit, where does the time go ? The older you get the more quickly time seems to pass. Should be the other way round, dammit!

Tomorrow I'm gonna spend a few hours working, setting up a camera and audio for recording some witness testimony, which will be happening Thursday-Friday. Meaning I'll be sitting in a Court on those days doing very little, but the money's excellent so I'm not complaining!

Tomorrow night I'm seeing Anne again, gonna see a movie. I can't wait !

Nikki in FHM

Oh man, if I'd known that FHM thing was in Sydney today I would've gone and checked it out. Maybe Nikki got tanned up specifically for the photo shoot. 46th is damn disappointing, but I like to think that the exposure and publicity of being in the top 50 is the sort of thing that money can't buy, and it is a tribute to Nikki, and her fans for doing their best to support her. I hope that when Nikki is the big star she has the potential to be, she won't forget us little people who loved her from the very beginning of QM, did everything we could to pump up her tyres for the road ahead, and .. yeah .. just fell in love with her basically. But somehow, I get the feeling she never will forget us, and that makes me happy.

I hope she keeps her myspace, I hope she keeps contributing to her fansite, even if as it maybe Nikki wants to move onto somewhere that may lead to more exposure, and more reasonable working hours I guess. Speaking for myself, and no doubt many other fans, I want her in my life, even if in such a .. distant way. Sorry, I'm rambling, I guess I'm in a little bit of shock at some of the things I've read today ...

but you know, it's all good .. It's all good. Nikki's star is on the rise, that's the most important thing. it's all good.

***UPDATE*** I wanted to add something here (feb 6), this last post sounds a bit ... meloncholy. What I want to add is that it is amazing to me, that when I watch Nikki on TV, I think .. That woman there, read my questions on her fansite and answered them. That is really great. It doesn't sound much, but it is really appreciated. Thank you Nikki.

Secret Squirrel

That was an old TV show wasn't it? I wonder if poor old Shinji stuffed up again, maybe he should have left it alone. but what's done is done, if it comes back, I'll leave it.

RSVP3

yeah, that was tonight - went out for a meal, talked a lot, laughed a lot, went back to her place, fixed her TV, talked some more, asked her out again, she laughed at me, eventually said yes, gave me a peck on the cheek, I left. Don't ask me what any of that means, I think too much.

RSVP 2

Whoohoo! I'm going on a date! man, it's been a long time. I'm thrilled and apprehensive at the same time. She's a screenwriter, and wants to use something I put in my RSVP profile in a movie! Wow... And she seems really keen on me! man oh man, I don't wanna get my expectations up, but I'm pretty excited!

Funny thing is though, Anne looks a little like the woman in that lucid dream I had a while back .. Nah, I'm not gonna go there.